the po~et 29 (comprehensive study)

The notes come on brown parchment paper and require acute comprehensive navigational skills to interpret--and a few days to ponder. She removes the last one from its hiding place and imagines the look on Paul's face when he wrote it. Who knows how the thoughts began or where they will end. Sometimes they change with every sentence and then you just hang on for the ride. He does leave clues about himself tucked in between, but you have to have followed him for awhile to discover them. Or have seen him in person read his words out loud. There's a way when he allows himself to get lost inside the words that his body openly responds to his own cleverness. Jack discovered this by accident, well it was intentional, but she was surprised at what she saw. The vision plays back to her from time to time. Each time with a different reaction--or at least a different position. The results are the same. The uncovered up close version is better. She listens to his words, her mind hides them, digesting what they could mean to her. She hides the note as if to make a wish.

the po~et 28 (onward)

The night was to be special but it didn't seem as any day should be assigned to it. Well at least not the ordinary name normally given. It was graduation day!

Jack had stared at the cap and gown all week long. She hadn't tried them on because it didn't seem real. After she took her last final she thought she would feel a since of relief. Numb was all she felt--numb.

When she arrived at the arena she was dizzy--at least she felt something. All day long the one constant thought was, he would be there--dressed in all his scholastic regalia.

When the ceremony began it was more than she had imagined. The years of struggle and the late nights all over, well at least for now. Grateful to God for making it through, she fought back tears with elation.

She looked straight ahead determined to find him in the crowd. His height she knew would make him stand above the rest. He was beautiful!

The floor couldn't hold her feet down. She floated as she went through the motions. She couldn't see him anymore, but she felt him. His eyes watching her. She turned around to see. Beautiful!

the po~et 27 (in view)

Whenever he was near she could feel him. It was if the wind carried his scent to her nostrils. The scent she smelled on her sheets after a night of dreams. She wanted to speak to him , she wanted to hear him call her name, she wanted to put her arms where his body bent, she wanted him to see her watching him--she wants him.

Maybe her problem lies solely there. She's not accustomed to not getting what she wants. She wants him to come to her like he does in her dreams.

the po~et 26 (winters stream)

She missed him,
Missed his words,
Now frozen like
A Winters stream.

She missed him,
Missed his image,
Now frozen like,
A Winters stream.

Waiting for the sun.

the po~et 25 (spun)

He brought her something she didn't have before. Or maybe she did and had let it slip away. She searched her memories for record of anything similar. She was sure he knew he had spun his web of deceit.

He knew he had her. Now she wondered what next?

the po-et 24 (sweet wind)

The first time she saw him she wanted to know who he was. Wanted to know where he lived and if she could follow him there. She imagined a street lined with trees and the wind in them sweet. She wondered where this thought came from and how it had crept into her mind. It (her mind) had been locked for so long. She watched him walk across the floor and listened to his voice rattle the walls. He stirred her within. She attempted to contain her fascination. She attempted to tame her curiosity. But it crept out of the box just as it had crept in.

She found him sitting alone his silhouette a shield from the world. She wanted to invade this world. She searched for the opening to the place holding his thoughts, the ramblings roaming every corner--blowing through.

the po~et 23 (from his cave)

The paper lies drunk saturated with his fermentation. Having waited to be quenched--to taste his foliage. Odd phrases morphed together in a conundrum of expressions. They seep out from his vineyard. His mind has found some cave like cellar. It permits his request and invites him in. A chaser of stories, inside he finds the lives of those who once crawled inside. Their passage, a relief pattern, adorn the walls.

He stands at the mouth of the cave. He recites their tales. Tales of unknown men , common men, white men, insane men, intellectual men, simple men.

To her his echo is vintage. To her he tells these puzzles hoping she'll discern their color.

the po~et 22 (the length of a hall)

The hallway was long, but it appeared to grow even longer. She could see there was no need to continue. She braced herself again for the feeling of disappointment. Earlier she couldn't control her eyes from roaming his frame. It wasn't even subtle. This, of course, sent the rest of her mind to wandering. It wandered down the hall and into his car where she imagined him driving home.

She opened her front door and turned down the long hall into her room.

the po~et 21 (papier-mâché affair)

For now theirs was a love affair that existed only on paper--only in theory. If the opportunity presented itself to say out loud what they wrote to one another--would it hold? Would the words sound as sweet when they parted the lips and reached the ears of their intended seduce-e? Would the elixir of words and imagery work to penetrate the foreskin? Or would it remain as a relationship of words?

Sometimes Jack thought they were like school children and the entire relationship was childish. The way they taunted one another and openly blushed when within close proximity of each other. Still she couldn't breathe when she saw him. She couldn't speak when in his presence. And when she walked she wanted him to admire her the way she loved to see him walk. The way he moved made her want to stand in his path of travel.

And the notes they left for one another she found charming. Something she believed set them apart from other lovers. Well, actually they weren't lovers at all. The definition would imply certain action. To her their affair was endearing even if it was only on paper.

the po~et 20 (peripheral view)

He was a few steps ahead of Jack. It's amazing how seconds can change the course of things.

Paul is absolutely gorgeous! Those words came up from that deep place.

He steps briefly into a side room, she re-calculates her steps. She passes by, as she does she catches his eye. She can feel him, she can see his linear frame.

And the view from those seconds lasted all day.

the po~et 19 (tennis anyone?)

Jack rushed to get to campus Monday morning. She had anticipated all day Sunday Paul's reaction to the books. She carefully wrote a note to him in a card choosing her words as not to sound too forward. She had always been pursued now that she was actually initiating contact was a new experience and she wasn't quite sure she knew how to do so.

As always, when she enters the building that houses his office anxiety takes over. As many times as she has visited him, she is still nervous like a silly teenager. That has been the one thing she has attributed to her infatuation with Paul, she seemed younger--re-vitalized. Her mind reset to a new way of thinking, no a new way of living.

When she opens the door he is quite surprised to see her (she hadn't given him forewarning of her visit) but he is pleased. She wanted to look and smell especially nice this morning. She was hoping that he would notice her efforts.

When she saw him she was almost speechless, but she had promised herself she would allow words to form and be released from her mouth. He was pleased with his gift, she was relieved. His eyes always told how he was feeling and for her to see satisfaction in them made her want to hide in them. To lock that moment away and store it in a trunk where moths couldn't come and corrupt it.

Then Paul does something he had restrained himself from in times past, he rises from his desk and hugs her. His body towering over hers offered a semblance of protection. The kind of protection that would keep her warm at night and delighted in the morning.

When she left him she could still feel his body against hers. As she walked away, her body responded to his touch and her heart followed, she was content with having made her move now the ball was in his court.

the po~et 18 (the black swan bookstore)

Jack stumbles across a used bookstore and gazes in the store fronts' window. The books in the window immediately peak her interest. She opens the squeaky door and the aroma of old pages immediately excites her. It is hard for her to know where to begin. She decides to start with the collection in the window. The owner of the quaint little store is amused to see someone enjoy his collected treasures. He gives her a quick tour, offers her a ladder and tells her to spend the rest of the afternoon indulging herself.

She searches through the shelves hunting for the authors words that speak to her as well as those that would satisfy his appetite. She wishes Paul was there to share her enthusiasm. The lust for words artfully orchestrated to account for events past, present, future, real--of fantasies, dreams and visions. Stories that haunted until they were told. Shelves filled with accounts of far away lands from the Mediterranean, the coasts of Africa, to the waters off the shores of exotic islands. Although he already posses an impressive library, she believes he would be just as enthralled with this place as she is.

She has been there for quite some time now and the aroma of time weathered books has aroused her. She imagines them there together passionately scavenging through this treasure chest, and after they would have satisfied their hunger for words they would search out a corner between the shelves. Their love for the power of language, it's meaning and usage gives them a common place. A place to meet undisturbed. The characters they create and those they discover through these volumes are who they have become. She finds a collection of an authors work that she knows he admires and decides to purchase it for him. She pictures how his face full of pleasure as he opens the gift. She has given up on trying to prevent herself from falling in love with him, it was hopeless, he now owned her heart.

Soon she looses all sense of time and place, intoxicated from this new found space, her mind succumbs to fantasy. She envisions them standing surrounded by stories old and new, his hand would move up her legs and find a way to uncover her hidden secrets. She would have him, make love to him down on the floor between the shelves, shielded by their volumes and under the watchful eye of Poe.

the po~et 17 (outloud)

Professor Shaffer had become an established poet and was gaining national attention. He had received an invitation to read his poetry at the Miami Art Institute. He invited his students --hoping that Jack would accept.

When he announced the event in class she immediately became excited. It would be an opportunity for her to see him in his element.

That afternoon she dressed carefully, she wanted to be youthful and alluring. Her skin looked like a toasted honey comb and her hair black and shiny was pulled back. Driving there that evening, she couldn't help but think about how gorgeous he had looked earlier when she saw him in his suit.

She could hear her heart pounding she couldn't remember the last time she was this excited. She found it hard to understand and even harder to explain why and how she felt about Paul. Their worlds were so different the classroom was the only thing they shared. Even there she wasn't on the same level he was, he was the professor she was a mere student.

She was hoping that night would be special that maybe in the evening sun he would see past all of their differences. That he would see her as a woman, a woman that wanted him.

Jack felt him as he entered into the room. As he walked down the marble staircase, his body moved like a god, the sun hit his eyes and the blue was deeper than any hue of blue she thought could be found on earth. At that moment no one else was present their eyes took them to unlawful impermissible places.

He spoke to her sensuously saying her name. She loved to hear him say it the symbols that represented her sounded so different parting his lips. She often imagined how it would feel whispered in her ear falling onto her pillow. He made the rounds and spoke to the other attendees and then he came and stood by her. She had never seen him outside of the university's campus. She wanted to touch him, she wanted to lock her arm in his, she wanted to kiss his lips before his words left them.

She followed him like a lost girl into the reading room. She sat next to him and she felt as if air had become extinct--wind no longer filled her lungs. Just the need to be near him. While the first poet was reciting her work, she was dreaming of him, untying his tie and removing his jacket in a secret room there that they would have to scavenger out.

They had to change rooms for his reading. She found a seat that would allow her eyes to roam his body. In class she couldn't help herself neither did she resist the temptation to admire him.

Paul was confident that evening claiming the time as his own. He was in his world a place he had carved out for himself. You could hear it in the weight of his voice giving strength and meaning to his words. He was funny and bright--poetically walking on water. She had read every line of his that she could find and she soon found herself reciting along with him, no one else was there, it was the place where she found him. In his literary world, between lines meticulously weaved, she fell in love with him, his ideals, his words--now spoken outloud.

the po~et 16 (lost in his jungle)

Jack has conceded that she loves Paul. She loves the way his shoulders are broad and his waist is narrow. The way his back, butt and legs all meet displaying the length of his lean body--long, ready to be climbed.

She swung from his lines like tree vines in a jungle . Consumed in his literary world, anxiously anticipating where his words would take her next. Once she entered she knew that there would be no exodus and she didn't look for any. She wanted to be lost with him. Stranded in a place where the only meat necessary came from within, where the dampness of words satisfied the thirst and their meaning clothed the skin.

the po~et 15 (eulalie--maybe?)

Like Poe he writes of an unknown woman and Jack has convinced herself that he is speaking of her. Sometimes she fits the description, other times she is unsure--leaving her feeling unworthy of such devotion. Too afraid to speak to him she changed the order of her day. It was foolish to her how she had memorized where he stood and where his feet treaded. The orchestrated path he took, his daily routine, even the deepness of his voice. All memorized, for the opportunity to see him as he passed. She was sure he had figured her scheme out by now, but she was not aware that he enjoyed the unexpected encounters. She thought she would have to draw back not to appear to be in need of mental intervention. It was becoming increasingly clear that she could and would not have him. His scholarly repuataion was all he had and she was sure he would not succumb to such deviant behavior--even if he possibly did find her attractive.

Rules--the road sometimes isn't a straight line. Nothing is as clear as it was the day before. The guide is asleep and the map is outdated. Death creeps in along the way robbing of the pleasures meant to be celebrated in the cool of the day. Mourning doesn't get any easier. What's lost can't be replaced and if it could--would it be new?

She promises herself to wait until rules were no longer an obstacle they would have to overcome.

the po~et 14 (on the thrashing floor)

As she looked out of her kitchen window that morning it would seem that the sun was taking it's time rising--as if it called in saying it would be late. That set the tone for the day.

She had wanted to roll over and see his bearded face and allow her hand to roam his body checking to see if her touch would get the response she was hoping for. Instead he wasn't there, his words would have to suffice. She was reading his work as if he was reading the words to her, picturing that look of self fulfillment as he is amazed at what has been extracted from his soul.

Even though she believed there was no hope of having him, she loved him. She had never kissed him, never made love to him. She knew little of his past and was always surprised when he unrobed himself through limited clues.

In her mind she had convinced herself that they could heal one another, they could cover one anothers nakedness with a quilt. One that would block away the past and keep them warm through tomorrows nights.

Around mid-afternoon over a lonely lunch she realized between the lines on the ink stained pages would be the only place she would ever have him. She knew it wasn't real in the tangible sense of realness, but it was a common place. It was the place where he left a part of himself, where he was not ashamed of the ideals that resided within. And whenever he entered there he left a piece for her on the thrashing floor.

the po~et 13 (when light pierces the darkness)

Paul is unaware of how she feels. She has managed to elude him--until now. He soon discovers her hiding place. He could feel her but couldn't see her. She had been able to be near him without his knowledge. When he found out his heart sank down into the soles of his shoes, but the realization of her carefully navigated steps gave him hope.

The forces of nature have a way of bringing things together. One must write them down and speak them into existence. A law proven when light pierced the darkness. Sometimes his world seemed darkened longing for who and what he did not have. It was devoid of form.

That night he whispered a secret prayer for it to be so. That he would soon feel her body in his arms and that the words he wrote of her would soon part his lips, land and kiss the outside of her ear.

the po~et 12 (bathsheba)

Whenever Jack sees him her lungs become disabled, collapsed, non-functional. The air becomes tepid and thick. These feelings suffocate trapping her words at the top of her throat leaving her tongue only to mumble mindless babble. Torture, but his image like a relief pattern carved into her memory justifies her suffering.

She's still not prepared to see him even though she was hunting him down tracking his scent hoping to see his shadow. But when she sees him her body contracts--as usual. Her intestines weave into a knot making it difficult for her to move forward. She wants to run and hide, she wants to talk to him, she wants to touch him, she wants to kiss him, tell him she's in love with him, she wants to follow him to wherever he's going, instead she just smiles and says hello--stupidly.

Bathsheba posed seductively for David. Some say he fell on his own sword. I believe exaltation didn't seduce him. It was the silhouette of Bathsheba bathing, waiting for him to come and take her.

the po~et 11 (the 4th of July)

Her internal humidity has made the air thick. She's having a hard time breathing. Her heart beat is irregular. She is sure that the experience is new. Her body feels vibrant as if life has just begun. He has indoctrinated her--into what she isn't sure. She has never been attracted to anyone like him. Uncertain of the rules, she finds it difficult to know how to express how she feels, but she is sure that this wasn't going to fade away. She thinks of how she feels when fireworks fill July's night sky or when the sun kisses the earth good night. The possibility to live outside of herself and have control excites her.

Unfortunately she can only dream of being with him and work up the courage to approach him. This is only permissible in her dreams. The episodes are continuous. She allows them to take her places where she hasn't been able to find an entrance into. Places outside of the body where the ground has no gravity and the air consistency elates the senses. She prays no one discerns the unfolding drama playing out behind the curtain. It is her secret world and one she is not prepared to exit.

the po~et 10 (ask and ye shall receive)

Paul decided that evening after dinner that he would pen the manner in which he would approach Jacquelyn. He didn't want to leave anything to chance. The quarter was wrapping up and so was his time. Yes, it was unethical for faculty to date students; however, pretty soon she would no longer be in his classroom.

All along he had offered her help with any assignments and she had repeatedly turned him down. Today he had conjured up a new plan. He would pair the class into groups and they would only be required to attend when their group met and he would pair her with a student who never came class. Brillant! he thought, he would be alone with her at last.

Just as he had planned it out, it was. She arrived to class and her partner did not, genius! They talked, they laughed, they looked at one another. He was mesmerized by this woman.

Paul Shaffer had decided that he wanted Jacquelyn Brooks and for once in life he was going to have just what he wanted.